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Upgrading to Wife 1.0

Last year a good friend of mine, Jim the Lumberjack, upgraded from GirlFriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0; I haven't heard from him for a while but just now he sent me a long letter with his experiences.

Well, Jim found that Wife 1.0 is a merciless memory hog, leaving almost no system resources for other applications. And not only that: he just noticed that Wife 1.0 has spawned a child process which is further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have since informed him that this is to be expected, due to the nature of the application.

Wife 1.0 also installs itself in such a way that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and FootballInThePub 7.0 are no longer able to run, crashing the system when selected (though they worked perfectly fine before). At installation, Wife 1.0 automatically installed a few undesired plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw, the latter a very buggy beta release. As a consequence system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0: a “Don't remind me again” button; a Minimize button; an InstallShield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources; an option to run the network drivers in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware probe feature to have greater use.

BUG WARNING: Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files before performing a complete de-installation. The end result is that Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient system resources.

WORK-AROUND: To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and NEVER run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0 between the two. Also, beware of shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via an internet provider under an anonymous name. Again, beware of viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the internet.

Another friend decided to avoid all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with GirlFriend; he was running version 3.0 at the time. Even there, however, he found many problems. Apparently he couldn't install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of Girlfriend 3.0. He had to completely uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which everyone should be aware of. Apparently all versions of GirlFriend have resource conflicts, mainly over the shared use of some I/O ports. You'd think the manufacturer would have fixed such an obvious bug by now.

To make matters worse, the uninstall feature for GirlFriend doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. And there's yet another annoying problem: all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up annoying message boxes about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.


$updated from: Upgrading to Wife 1.0.htxt Sat 18 Jan 2014 13:12:47 thomasl (By Thomas Lauer)$